5 Steps to Creating the New You

More and more lately I have been fascinated with habits.  What route do you take to work?  What pant leg do you put on first?  Do you ever go out with friends and NOT have a beer?  The list can go on-and-on.

What I am getting at this there are hundreds, if not thousands of habits that we execute daily and most of the time we do not even think about what we are doing.  Now this isn't necessarily always a bad thing because habits can help us become more efficient throughout our day and allows us to get much more done without wasting too much energy.  The only issue I believe with some of these habits is that they become so routine that we feel we cannot break them, thus limiting our belief in our own capabilities.  Not cool, yo.

So lets take a look closer at how habits are formed and what we can do to change them.  According to Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habits, with his extensive scientific research it has been found that are three phases that shape a habit.

1.  Cue

There is a cue that starts the habit-forming process.  For example, what is the first thing you do in the morning?  Maybe you head to the kitchen immediately and start a pot of coffee like millions of people do.  The cue here is the act of waking up.  And if you're like me around 7pm at work every night you get hungry (like I do) and want a grilled cheese sandwich (yummmmm).  This is also triggered by the time of day.

Once a cue has triggered, you go straight into some sort of...

2.  Routine

This would be the actual physical or mental act that makes up the habit.  So whether it is getting out of bed and physically walking to the kitchen, or picking up the phone and calling the restaurant to have a grilled cheese sandwich ready for you, this is your routine.

So why do we engage in these routines after a cue sets it off?  Simple.  We are anticipating some type of...

3.  Reward

What are you getting from this routine that you have formed?  Every routine has some kind of reward whether it's emotional or physical.  When you drink that coffee it's the feeling you get after you drink it that is your reward.  When I get a little hungry at 7pm I start to anticipate the cheesy and comforting flavors of a great sandwich.

When we look at forming new habits, we can look at these three phases and begin to play around a little.  Maybe instead of getting up and heading directly to the kitchen in the morning, we set a pair of running shoes right by our bed and trigger a cue for a different routine that will improve our health.   To change the routine of eating too many grilled cheese sandwiches we put some trail mix in our drawer at work (this is working great for me!).  Finally, we can set a reward for starting a new habit also, like a reward of an exotic overseas trip in six months if we stop drinking.

Think cue, routine, and reward.  Changing either of these can result in incredible changes.  A huge step is really looking closer at your day and figuring out what habits you have formed almost without thinking and finding ways to hack the system so you can make some changes.  It's not that what you are doing now is necessarily a bad thing, it's just finding ways to become happier and also to increase the vibration that you are putting out into the universe.

Lets look at one way of changing habits that I will add to this list.  It's a little...

4. Zen trick

There is a teaching in Zen that in order to do something, you simply do it without thinking.  This spontaneity is taught extensively in Zen and in order to accomplish this state-of-mind you need to shut off your rational-thinking mind and start to take action immediately (see previous post).  The rational mind can and will get in the way of accomplishing goals because it can create excuses for EVERYTHING FREAKING THING.  Don't think.  Just GO.

In order to really start changing habits that are deeply ingrained in your life Duhigg adds that you must completely and 100 percent...

5. Believe in yourself

Every single day and every single moment is new.  This very second you are a brand spanking new person. We have formed so many habits and have been told by so many people and ourselves that we are a certain way and there is nothing you can do about it.  I am her to tell you that you are capable of great things and great change.  You can make HUGE changes today that will reshape your health, finances, happiness, and bring more smiles to your beautiful face.

I think what is very important to add is that you are perfect exactly the way you are right this second. Being able to find ways to live a happier or healthier life is just a bonus and adds to the greatness that is right now.

So how we can create the new you TODAY and how can you win a prize?

Figure out what it is that you want to change that you can do just ONCE in 24 hours.

For example:

You want to eat a healthier breakfast tomorrow morning.
You want to run after work tonight (hint: take your running shoes with you to work or leave them by your door).
You don't want to smoke at work today.
You want to work on a project that you have been putting off.
You do not drink soda today at work.

Whatever it is lets simply make it happen even ONE time today.  I want you to see that you are capable of making this change and doing it once is reinforcement that you can do it.

Remember, think cue, routine, reward, Zen, believe.

If you eliminate this habit even once today, I will send you a little treat to your doorstep.  It might be a handmade item, maybe it's a gift card to the coffee shop by your house, or maybe...who knows?  It won't be of great monetary value but I will stick something in the mail for you.

Leave a comment at the bottom of this post on my blog or on the Facebook post this belongs to today about what you will change.  Once you accomplish your one-day goal leave a comment explaining what you did to make it happen.  You have 24 hours from right NOW.

Now lets make it happen!

A Short Zen Story on Flowing Downstream

Although he passed away in 1973, Alan Watts has become a huge influence in my life over the last couple of years.  His seemingly never-ending catalog of lectures posted on YouTube accompany me on many nights of the week and set me up for bed in a very relaxing way.  Since he has such a following, not only are his one-hour to two-hour lectures posted, but there are tons of beautifully produced videos (one of my favorites posted above) filled with dramatic visual displays that rest behind short clips of his insightful, inspiring and soul-awakening lectures. I highly recommend them.

Recently, I came across the video (posted below) titled, "Alan Watts - Zen Tales," where among many others he reveals the following short Zen story:

When in the Zen swordsmanship school, at the beginning of your training the master will have you walk around the house doing various chores on a daily basis.  The master will have a bamboo sword used to make the pain manageable when he surprises you unexpectedly with attacks.  Once these attacks come you are expected to defend yourself with whatever it is you are handling, whether its a broom, pan, cushion, etc.

The dilemma that you find yourself in is that if you go to work everyday looking over your shoulder constantly trying to plan where the next strike will come from, you will find that you will always be outwitted.  The clever master will always have a leg up on you as he will always find a way to come from an unexpected location.

The student will eventually come to a conclusion that the constant planning and looking over his shoulder is not the solution.  He will learn that the necessity of spontaneity in fencing is that if he has to stop and think about how he is going to respond to a certain attack, it is too late. Instead, the best outcome is to quit planning, focus on his chores mindfully, and to react as the attack comes spontaneously.  Once this happens the student starts to walk around nice and relaxed with an attitude that if the master attacks, he attacks.  And once this unexpected hit is delivered the student is at ease, calm, and can react immediately like the sound that comes from two hands clapping.

I notice more and more in my life that when I try to force something it seems to cause nothing but stress and confusion -- not to mention it can be misguiding.  The mental wear-and-tear of forcing prevents me from moving smoothly and naturally throughout my day, however, when I pay more attention to my breath and moving through situations based on feel and less to my rational thinking, it allows my intuition to surface which guides me down the path of least resistance. Zen masters will call this flowing downstream.

Flow downstream today.

By Stephen DeMent

5 Easy Steps to Sustaining Positive Energy Throughout Your Day

By Stephen DeMent

For some time now I decided that when I wake up in bed I wanted to take a deep breath to ground myself once I awoke.  This immediately starts my day off in a mindful state that brings me into the present moment.  This has been huge for me.

Recently, I found another tip to add to my morning breath that has produced incredible results.  While traveling in northern Thailand and participating in a one-week-long mediation practice, my gracious instructor, Lydia, suggested starting the day while still in bed with something to be grateful for.  I do this now and also try to use my grateful thought as a mantra for the day.  There are so many things to be grateful for and when I acknowledge them regardless of the time of day it puts me in a great mood, but when I do that in the morning it not only does the same thing but it also sets a happy tone for the day that carries over into the afternoon and beyond.

We all know that at any given time in the day we can be faced with challenges that can compromise our mood.  For myself, my "monkey mind" can get going and thinking of things in the past or the future and just try to ramble on.  Being aware of when this is happening and taking a breath or revisiting my daily mantra helps get me back on track.

Yesterday I decided that I am grateful for the emotion that we call love.  Today I am grateful once again for all of my friends and family.  So thank you all for being a friend (even if I haven't met you yet).

One top of what I just discussed, I have added a couple more ideas that may help you stay positive on a daily basis:

1.  While still laying down once you wake up in the morning, take a nice deep breath to ground yourself in the present moment. You're alive and have another day to live on the gorgeous planet.  Rejoice.

2.  Choose something for the day that you are grateful for.  There are countless reasons to be grateful everyday.  Choose one of them.

3.  Do a very short workout right after you get out of bed.    Usually I will do some push-ups and sit-ups right almost immediately when I get out of bed.  Even a couple of each will you get moving and feeling great. After doing this for not even a month, I saw tremendous physical results, improved posture and simply felt great.  Find out what works for you.

4.  Eat a healthy breakfast.  Or at least a semi-healthy breakfast.  Adding some herbs, vegetable or fruit to whatever you normally eat can make you feel better immediately and can be the start of the new healthy-eating you.

5.  Be aware.  Now that you are doing a list of great things to keep you in a great mood throughout your day you should be feeling good.  That being said, distractions will arise daily.  When this happens, come back to your breath and acknowledge what it is that you are so grateful for and you can find that positive attitude once again.

Smile at Who You Have Become

Sup y'all!

If you're anything like me you have been working on your practice of mindfulness for some time now and you are making great progress.  And if you're anything like me you don't always give yourself the credit you deserve for the progress you have made.  However, those moments of clarity that we find are the fruits of our desires and the results of the practice we have engaged in.  Even though we are searching for continual growth, don't forget to deeply appreciate those moments that you do find that peace and don't forget to appreciate the person that you have become today.  Those moments of mindfulness are exactly what you have been looking for!  That is where the gold is.  Smile wide in those moments. You have found it and you deserve it.

Coming from times where it seemed that something other than my true self was in control, it seems that I have made great progress as I reflect a little and I might not always notice that.  At some point in my journey, there was a time when a force of necessary natural healing was sparked and the concentration of energy on my mind reduced dramatically and the concentration of energy was directed more towards other deeper areas in my body and existence.  To even have that happen is a very fortunate thing as not everyone is so lucky. Almost certainly, you are in that same boat and that is awesome!  Let those moments of clarity soak in and let the perpetual new person that you are constantly becoming to stretch far and wide and reach new heights.  The fact that that is even happening is HUGE and there is not a time where that ever needs to stop.

I suppose this topic came to me as I travel through Southeast Asia and at some points have actually been really busy bouncing around to different countries and neglecting my meditation practice at some points (except for my mediation session in Malaysia where I couldn't stop smiling at how awesome the moment was!).  So maybe I was a little hard on myself for not engaging more, but that was quickly replaced with some quite time--although brief--yesterday.  Well, now I just need to set aside the time to more often engage today as well.  So after this post I will take off and find a quite place to breathe.  Problem solved!

I guess that I should very grateful to have made it to the point that I need to carve out that space for myself and for my practice.  I suppose that is what I have been looking for all along and it only keeps getting better.  If there is something that I want to do, I just need to do it.  Simple.  The same applies for you.  Just do not forget to appreciate who you have become and those peaceful moments you find because that is what you have been looking for.

So, now go do something you love to do and keep doing it more and more, whatever it may be.

Smile more. Laugh more. Sing more. Dance more. Run more. Meditate more. Love more. Climb a mountain and SCREAM.

Good day to all!

The Not-So-Obvious Reason why you Stare at the Stars

"You didn't 'come into' this world.  You came out of it like a wave from an ocean.  You are not a stranger here." - Alan Watts

Many times that I have found myself on a quiet dark road I look up and am pretty much blown away.  The pure beauty of the night sky lit with billions of shiny stars and the wonder that it can inject into your creativity makes an obvious reason on why it is so much fun to lay back and take it all in.

You may have your own facets of space that astonish you.  I know I always find myself asking the question, "Is there a dead end somewhere out there where space suddenly stops?"  Then I explore the answer that there are two sides to every wall.  Although you might not be able to access the other side of a wall, there is always space occupying that side.  So the answer to the question is that there cannot be a dead end in outer space, right?  I have no idea and it seems as though astronomers ask themselves the same question.

Beneath all of these questions we can or cannot answer about outer space, it seems to me that we are missing a not-so-obvious point of all of this:  When you look up at the sky and stare at the stars, you are looking at a reflection of yourself.  You ARE outer space.  Of course you are in outer space, but you actually ARE outer space.  You are a product of the universe and the milky way sustained by all of its elements.  You came from THAT.

The relative size of everything can sometimes trick us.  If you were to land on one of those distant stars you enjoy starring at that appears as a bright light far away and were to look back towards earth, what would you see?  Well, you would see a very similar picture compared to what you see when you are on earth starring at that same star.  The only difference is those shiny objects that decorate the sky would be rearranged, but you would once again be looking at a sky filled with stars.  Earth is inside of those stars and you came from that.  You are a product of the universe, the stars (aka the sun), outer space, the milky way and Earth.

To further explain, lets look at a little astronomy figures.  The Milky Way is a barred spiral galaxy containing 100-400 billion stars and may contain at least as many planets.  Yes, an additional 100-400 billions planets in our galaxy alone!  Thats a pretty big freaking galaxy, right?!  It definitely is even considering our nearest neighbor galaxy, Andromeda, contains around one trillion stars and just as many planets!  It does not end there though: throw in the estimated 100 billion galaxies in the observed universe and we have ourselves a party, amigo!

What I am getting at with the size of the totality of the observed universe is that when you zoom out on your perception of where we are, you can begin to see where we came from.  The same thing that you see when you look up at the night sky.

You came out of the universe in the neighborhood of its 100 billion galaxies.  So did your Mom.  So did you Dad.  And so did your friends, family, dog and that tree you like to sit under in the summer and read a book that was coincidentally made from a different tree.

That's what you are: made from those same elements that blows your mind every time you find yourself on a quiet dark road and look up at the stars.

Conversation on Compassion with Thich Nhat Hanh and James Doty at Stanford University

On October 24th, 2013, along with a good friend of mine, we attended an event at Stanford University hosted by The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) that welcomed Thich Nhat Hanh.

In this sold-out event it was rare opportunity for a discussion with the Zen Master and world-renowned teacher of mediation, compassion and mindfulness who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by his friend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in 1967.

When you find the time to watch or listen to this video, I am sure you will find some valuable insight to bring a little more peace in your life (plus a couple good laughs!).

Enjoy!



Wishing you all the very best!
Namaste

A Short Story and 5 Ways it Can Change Your Life

Earlier this year my truck was stolen with my keys, wallet and laptop in it. Not to mention three pairs of boots I really liked.

Why the heck did I have that much stuff in my truck you ask?!

Well, I went for a run after locking up the truck in my old neighborhood that I lived in for five years with no issues. Once I took off someone broke into my truck and happened to find a spare key that I had laying around after fixing an ignition issue.

Ahhhhhhhh, I can see his BIG OLE smile right now as he drives off with everything I own and heads to the grocery store to stock up on food and drinks with my debit card.

Time to FREAK OUT, right?!

No.

Not this time.

Of course it was not cool at all, but I recalled something as I waited for the police. I immediately went back to a memorable short story that I have read a many times that always seems to keep me grounded.

Tales from the Tao is from the first book I ever purchased on eastern philosophy and is a collection short stories and quotes on Taoism. I credit this entire book and most specifically this story for changing the way I look at life and many situations that arise.

This story is called We Shall See:

There was an old man who had one son and one horse, both of whom he valued very highly. One day the horse ran away and his neighbors came over to console him. 'Oh what great misfortune,' they said, 'your horse is gone! How will you ever afford to get another one?'

The old man sat and smoked his pipe and only said, 'We shall see.'

Then, a few days later, the horse came back, accompanied by several wild horses, tripling his herd. Again, the neighbors visited, this time to congratulate the old man on his great luck. Again he merely sat and smoked and said, 'We shall see.'

A short time later, his son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg in several places. The neighbors all arrived, calling out, 'Ah great misfortune, your son will never walk again!' But again the old man merely sat quietly in front of his house and, between puffs oh his pipe, said, 'We shall see.'

Some time after that, the army came through the village, rounding up all the young men to press them into service and send them to the battlefront far away in the frozen north. But with his crippled leg the old man's son was left behind. Though crippled, he managed to car for his old father until his death many years later.

Here are a few reason why I think this story will help you:

1. You Already Have it All

Conditions for happiness are present this very moment. You can reduce the impact that "misfortunate" things have on you when you realize this. Odds are right now you have food in your belly, you are healthy, you are breathing clean air, you are warm and have great friends and family to turn to. This is really all you truly need for happiness.

You are going to be just fine.

2. Patience

We get so wrapped up over good and bad.  And when something slows us down (like traffic) or when something gets taken from us (like all my belongings) the natural tendency is to throw a big fit.

It seems so selfish, yet understandable.

What if you could decrease the burden that is laid on your mind and begin to find patience when things do not go your way?

There is real gold in that concept.

3. Bad Transforms Into Good

Life is a balancing act.

When something bad happens, naturally it eventually turns into something positive.

What I realized during and after my incident was that I have incredible friends and family that are there to help me when things get difficult.

That was a precious reminder that I am never alone and I am surrounded by incredible people.

The same goes for you.

4.  Do Not Stop Caring

The very first sentence of this short story is really starting to resonate with me now:

"There was an old man who had one son and one horse, both of whom he valued very highly."

Just because you do not freak out when something is lost does not mean that you do not value, love or cherish it.  It simply means that you will not get carried away and that you will be patient and mindful.

He valued both the horse and the son very highly, but yet when something happened to them both that he could not control he decided to be patient and see how everything played out.

5.  Let Go

This can be the hardest part of all, but when you take the previous four steps into account it can make it so much easier.

When we finally pass away from this life we will have to let go of everything; we take nothing with us.  So if you cannot control a situation anymore the best thing to do is to just let go and let the natural flow of life take care of the rest.

There is so much soul in that.